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Scipius
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Name: Adam
Gender: Male
Interests: God, cars, drawing, swimming, Climbing, Ultimate Frisbee, hanging out, meeting new people
Expertise: Cars, swimming
Occupation: Student
Industry: Construction
Message: message me
AIM:  scipp7127
Yahoo:  Scip7127
Member Since:
6/9/2004
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| I did not bring in the New Year very gracefully. I hurt the feelings of someone who I care about and I intentionally did it. I was upset and I said some things that I did not necessarily mean but I said them so that this person would feel bad. Throughout this incident, I realized a couple things about myself that I'm not really proud of and want to change. Last year was a fun year but not a good year. I did a lot of things I shouldn't have done and hurt a lot of people I did not mean to. I dont want a replay this year. The big thing that hit me while talking with this friend was that I am becoming to much like my dad. in all the bad ways. Some of the things she said to me made me feel horrible and I deserved it. After all that I have done to her she's still not willing to give up on me as a friend. I dont know if I could have done the same. She truly is a good friend. You know this is a new year and I'm starting off with a clean slate and I want to keep it that way for a while.
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| Within this last couple of months a lot of crazy things have happened. Some of which I would say were kind of life altering. I dated this really amazing girl over the summer. It was only almost 3 months but it was an incredibly intense 3 months. She did so many small things to make me feel special. like leaving notes and pictures in my car for me while at work and bringing me the best water every time she came to watch me play Ultimate. However, at the end of the summer when she started Law School there was a series of unfortunate events that took place in her life and then within our relationship. I had no choice but to end the relationship. It's been almost 3 weeks since I've talked to her and I've seen her once in passing while driving down the road. I've dealt with it really well, I think.
I've talked with many friends who have been available to help me through the rough times. One friend in particular over the past couple of months has also learned a lot about me but I feel there are things that she still does not understand.
side rant: Maybe I have, or not, I don't remember. but, I think it is a little ridiculous to believe something you hear from someone about another person and then get pissed at that person without understanding exactly whats going on. Hear/say is never a good thing to base an argument or an attack on someone. I think it is disrespectful to that person whether or not what happened was true. end rant!
I admit I've made some mistakes over the last couple of weeks and if I regretted doing anything I probably would regret these. However, I stick to my personal philosophy of regret in that "I do not regret the things I have done but those I did not do." ~Lucas.
It's weird how music has an effect on people. Occasionally I'll hear lyrics from a song and something will click "hey, that sounds an awful lot like whats going on in my life" Well, the name of the song answered to me what I think might be the matter with me right now, low self esteem. Now I know if you hang around me much you wouldn't think that I have much problem with self esteem but you can't always tell by just being around someone. Lately, I it seems to me that I've hurt a lot of people, so they've told me. I'm not the type of person to go around trying to hurt people and I feel really bad that people might think that. It sucks. Maybe I'm a little insensitive, because if someone hurts my feelings, it's on my mind for maybe a day and then I deal with it and go on, and I tend to think that's how everyone should be. I'm not trying to excuse my self by this logic though. I don't feel that I can do whatever to people and expect them to just deal with it or again maybe I do. I'll try and evaluate myself on that.
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| So, evidently, at work, I am now the creepy guy, who might rape someone. Just because I don't join in on your bullshit talking and degradation of women, I have the rapist image? I think thats a bunch of crap. sorry I don't speak unless spoken to normally. I'd rather keep my mouth shut than walk around and constantly have mindless shit loosely spill from my mouth. I'm not the one who they say "eww, shut-up, leave me alone!" when I come around. In all this retardedness I guess thats what I get when I work around a bunch of young punks who are or still act like they're in Highschool. GROW UP!
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| I've been thinking... this girl thing is way over rated and frankly I'm tired of messing with them. I just want to be me. I want to do what I do and quit worry about who I like or who I want to like me. This really isn't coming from bitterness, its more self realization. It's affected how I interact with most people and people that I meet now are seeing me as the person I feel that I truly am. How can I accomplish this? I'm growing up and things about me are changing. Whether they're good or bad I don't know. I was called into work yeaterday because someone didn't show. While I was working my manager pulls me aside and sits me down to talk. He tells me the reason why I recieved one shift this week was because I talk and flirt with all the girls and that they were relaying this information to him. Ladies, to all or few that read I'm sorry that the way that I am may be offesive to you, but let me say. My mother raised me right to respect women, my dad however raised me to like girls. I somehow inherrited both of those traits. I highly respect women in the regard of not calling them names or abusing them but I just have a flirtatious personality. There is a huge difference in the way I act when I really like a girl and I'm just trying to be her friend. I would appologize for your miscommunication but I'm not. QUIT LOOKING INTO IT LIKE THAT!!!! I'll tell you if I like you. I can't change to make you happy because I don't know how. let me, be me, like it or not.
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| Spring Break? I guess I'm kinda taking one. I mean, when I'm making about $300 in just 3 days I can almost afford to have 4 days of not working. Not working weekends has also been nice. I'm keeping it short this time and trying not to complain too much. I might be in T-town more than once in a week. how weird....
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